Day Two - Flush

I'm constantly changing my mind on what to do. I'm eating 100% raw until I go to the 2007 Ladies No Limit Hold'em Event at the World Series of Poker. Yup! I leave on June 9th. I'm scared to death about going. I hate to travel and I'm shy. Had to order two seats on Southwest 'cuz I'm so fat. So ashamed.

This is a business trip of sorts since I blog about poker at http://www.chicksnchips.com. I don't want to disappoint my financial backer. I'm also undertaking a regimen of poker practice and playing, reading and re-educating myself on the game.

I am having a hell of a time staying 100% raw. It's hard, y'all, but I've got to do it. I'm bringing healthy back :)

My daughter is ashamed of my weight. She always gets on me about eating right and stuff. She's only four and gets picked on school for having the fattest mom in the 'world'. I vowed I'd never be an embarrassment to my kids, but I am.

I don't like the way our society treats fat people. I feel like a pariah. It hurts. It's so painful. I'm a human being who has used food to mask her pain. I'm an addict like an alcoholic or drug addict. There's no real rehab for food addiction...unless of course you're anorexic, which I'm not.

Besides, you can't stay away from the substance. Everyone's gotta eat or they die. Sure, I know people are like...aww, boohoo the fat lady's making excuses, but...I know there are so many chemical substances that pass for food it's ridiculous.

Eating raw is getting away from those chemicals and back to sanity. It's the only way I know to get off the binge wagon and get back to me...maybe even find the real me without food as a crutch or a hindrance.